On the Last Day of Mental Health Awareness Month
A few years ago, I was scrolling through the sub on Reddit for my mental health diagnosis. I don’t go there often; I was lucky to have a phenomenal medical team when I was diagnosed twenty years ago that gave me a full set of tools to help me manage things, I’ve been in and out of therapy since, and I have friends who talk openly about their own mental health struggles, all of which have served as the community and resources I’ve needed.
I’m not sure what brought me to the sub that day in the first place, but my eye was caught by a post someone made about feeling guilty for having had children after her diagnosis because research suggests that many mood and mental disorders could have a hereditary component and she felt that any future diagnoses her children might receive would be her “fault.”
I was diagnosed at 17 and was 31 when Robbie was born. My mental health was well-managed at that point and I was under the care of a therapist, who helped me watch out for PPD/A as I was at an increased risk of both. (Luckily, I didn’t end up suffering from either after my two births.) I was confident I could control the controllables and be prepared for the uncontrollables when it came to my own health - but I was worried about the unknowns that might pop up for my children because of the genetic material they might have inherit from me.
A comment from a Redditor helped me reframe my concerns in a way I’d never before considered. I’m paraphrasing here, because I can’t find the original post or comment:
Because of your diagnosis, you know what to look out for. You know how to ask for help, how to find help, and how to accept help. You know how to advocate for yourself, which means you’ll know how to advocate for your children if or when you need to. You know that a diagnosis doesn’t have to be the end of the world, that people can live full and happy lives with these diagnoses. You can model that for your children. They are lucky to have you, diagnosis and all.
What an empowering observation! Most mental disorders are caused by a combination of multiple genetic and environmental factors and there’s no way to know if our children will ultimately receive the same diagnosis/es as us or, if they do, if the severity will match ours. But, if they do struggle with their mental health, they’re ideally positioned to receive the love and support they need to help them. And that’s the best we can all hope for, I think.
